SEXUAL AF
SEXUAL AF
Where to start.
I could give all the rambles tbh - Because how do you condense this journey... You can't, you'll get lost and turned on - so let me just hit you with the disclaimer.
When I write, I figuratively speak to my tribe - so when I say all - I say all the peoples who feel like me. If you don't, that’s cool and I invite you to be a part of this conversation.
But I say all, because these are my experiences and these are the people I hear from and who share their words with me. We don't talk enough about this shit and we need to - because...
a) You deserve to have an amazing fulfilling sex life (by yourself and with others)
b) You don't need to do anything to deserve it - like. Sex isn't something you get once you've hit goal weight, met "the one" etc. Everyone deserves good shit. Everyone.
So here it goes... I've been wanting to talk about this subject since ages ago btw :-) Because I love sex and I think so much of our attitude towards sex has to do with acceptance of self. Like allowing yourself to fully experience pleasure - whether solo, with a guy, girl or both - is about being open to experiencing, giving and receiving pleasure.
But my journey has really involved untangling all those tales I've been lead to believe about sex and all the ideals I've had to wade through, knee deep *(not the good knee deep either) about a woman's worth and sexuality.
Here's a brief visit down memory lane as to how frigid Hinz had a hard core case of cock fright and vagina suppression:
- 8 year old Hinz plays catch and kiss with boys - gets tongue rammed down her throat by a 12 year old. It was not the glorious first kiss as seen in the cinemas.
- 11 year old Hinz grows boobs, boys throw water over her t-shirt and when she felt the biggest pangs of anxiety ever and wailed - the teacher told her to stop overreacting.
- Teenage Hinz put on weight. Didn't know how to feel in her body.
- Teenage Hinz felt that being a slut and hoe was the worst thing you could be - so avoided doing/being that.
- Hinz entered an abstinence programme and followed every rule like the ever eager to please (not that kind), good girl she is (there’s more context to that - but that’s for another day).
- Adult Hinz loved sex and realised - people really make a big deal out of sex. We should all just have more good sex (with self and others).
So this inner conflict became a thing. Like be good, don't be a hoe, your worth is found in accomplishments, not your body, but also make sure that bodies aesthetically pleasing - because then, its way easier to function in this world as a woman. Basically - please everyone put yourself second, and your clit last.
And then it was like - sex. Scary.
Like what is sex? We've used it to such an extent to control and exploit that we've lost what it essentially is ... Being fully present in the moment, and focusing on the physical, emotional pleasure found in your body.
Because if a woman was to fully show up embracing all that she is - sensual, flirtatious, vivacious, up front, staunch, real, abrupt - its too much.
We've segmented our sensuality.
Be like this, in this space … and be another way in this space...
Lady in the streets
Freak in the bed
I mean come on - an erotic fictional book in itself created the sub genre of mom porn?
The lady wasn't even a mum and the book was glorifying submissiveness when it was just domestic violence. Digress!
We compartmentalized and suppress our sexuality to the point where actually acknowledging your body and its pleasure feels vulgar.
We've demonised our own pleasure.
And when we do this, it creeps out into other segments of our life.
It starts with a "eww masturbation gross"
To a ..
Ewww stripes make you look fat.
To a ...
Don't show off your tits AND your ass - because exposing your body = HOE = ASKING FOR IT. Instead - choose one body part to play up.
You get my drift....
There is a lot of pressure on how women should show up in the world, so when it comes time to actually prioritising you, your pleasure and your expectations - sometimes its like - wow, what DO I ACTUALLY LIKE?
What does turn me on?
What does feel good?
Is sex for sex sake okay?
And now. I wonder what kind of Hinenui, would have erupted if only the way we shaped and viewed sex was empowering as opposed to conditional.
I wonder what type of Hinenui would have ignited if sexuality wasn't demonised and simultaneously exploited....
But now I'm excited because now I get to choose.
I get to feel empowered by my body.
I get to let go of the feelings that I'm not good enough and question where that thought came from...
I get to question status quos of what a sexually empowered person looks like.
We all come in different shapes, sizes, ages and stages.
Sexuality is no different.
I get to work through my insecurities at my pace
I get to undo the stories that lead me to this place ... because I know - that my Tuupuna. Didn't have magazines to compare themselves too (Wahine Weekly anyone?). They didn't need to question worth because the values and paradigm they lived in never iterated anything other than their wholeness.
So am I saying, go hump around some more.
Nope.
I'm saying you. Who you are. Your body. Your soul. Is worthy.
Of every good thing this life has to offer.
One of those can be sex (lets not dismiss bad awkward sex as well ...)
Lets embrace all of us - the sexy side too ;-)
I am Hinenui.
www.iamhinenui.com
