Healing Journey Of Moko Kauae – Feeling Worthy
Image: Hinewai Waitoa
Walking… In this space... Judgemental eyes, judgmental mind. EGO. You see me? Now my EGO creeps on in... I'm on your radar... and now you're on mine. Your judgement of me, I can feel it, and it's obvious for all to see. I ask myself WHY? You don't know me? Now I feel like I’m judging you in return? Still, I ask myself why?
OoooH! You see her, you see my MOKO KAUAE. That is why you judge me... BUT! Can you FEEL her? Can you read the lines, the markings that make up her BODY and tell her/my/our story? Why Judge? Our story is unknown to you. Why the negativity? Possibly so many layers to this judgment. Is it because I’m young? Colonised! Because I Have Fair SKIN?! Unknowing, YOU Ask me if I’m Pākehā? I felt like telling you to f#@! off. BUT instead, I answered your unknowingness. MAKE YOUR SOUNDS OF DISGUST towards me, Like an ENERGETIC BLADE… your smart remarks. Something inside you is threatened by me, your own demons that you battle with on the daily perhaps? I send you love…
Can you not FEEL the DEPTH of OUR journey? Can you? DO you? … COLONISED MINDSETS… Can you….FEEL deeper? Look deeper take off the blindfold…
My Moko Kauae her birthing into Te Ao Marama…. HER birthing into form… visible.... my body is her whenua. 29 years in the making, but only people who know me, know this. THEY support me.. hold space for my growth. … So I shouldn’t let judgment affect me. But it does, WHY? Constantly I ask myself.
Wairua… Moko Kauae… Her story is beyond my time, yet we were CREATED together… FEEL DEEPER I ask you… My tīpuna walk with me, guide me… I feel their strength... I feel them guiding me to walk tall, humble, peaceful with love.
Since the 24th of August I’ve walked upon PAPATŪĀNUKU with my Moko Kauae visible for all, but to me SHE, my MOKO KAUAE has always been here on MY chin, MY face, she was invisible to the eye, but felt. Felt within my Wairua – Spirit. My Kaitiaki- Spiritual Guardian now In FORM. Why do I let other people’s opinions affect me?
I CARRY HER with the deepest GRATITUDE. And she ADORNS me with AROHA... I feel this.. so WHY I keep asking myself? Why in their eyes am I not worthy. Why do I keep worrying about they think?
I know why! And its not just about them.. its more about me… This is my INNER WĀNANGA, my journey of standing In my TRUTH, fully, unapologetically. These judgmental encounters are a lesson to learn from… a key to unlock the doors to more PAIN.. pain that demands to been seen for what it is.. pain that demands to be felt.. realisations… uncovering… MY WORTH…
SELF WORTH! Something I’ve struggled with all my life, and we all do at some point. Each of us Learning… Growing … Instantly I feel my worth diminish... BIT by BIT.. encounter after encounter... I Didn’t expect THIS PART to FEEL this way..... I knew I would get some STRANGE LOOKS.. but THIS? This cuts deep…
But it's ok! I know what’s coming up to be seen, another life challenge... ME Learning HOW TO FEEL my worth, Know My WORTH. I KNOW I Am Worthy. I know this because I Am a WAHINE! I KNOW, and that should be all that matters, that SHOULD be ENOUGH... BUT! I’m still LEARNING how to FEEL my worth. Feeling it is so important… we are HUMAN, and our SOULS came here to FEEL and experience EMOTIONS and challenges for growth. So another gift of learning from The Healing Journey of Moko Kauae
To all Wāhine who choose this journey, you are worthy! And its on you to go deep within and find that for YOURSELF. Be with people who hold space for your growth; there is always support out here somewhere reach out till you find it. To All WAHINE – Your purpose is yours! Feel it and live it to the fullest. YOU ARE WORTHY & YOUR ARE ENOUGH
And to all the amazing souls, strangers who are open and radiating love, that seeing Moko Kauae fills them with joy. Thank you deeply. A smile and kind words go a long way in lifting the Wairua of another. PEOPLE UPLIFTING PEOPLE.
This korero can be related to so many things that happen for us in life. Judgement is so easily used. Feeling worthless can come so naturally.. but all these things are USEFUL.. we can take them, LEARN and GROW and turn the teaching into tools.
SO NEXT TIME you feel the judgment of another person, remember that we have no idea what it's like to live their life, only our own. WE DO NOT KNOW their struggles. We do not know their pain. We do not know their journey to the depth of what & how they live and have lived.
TAKE A MOMENT to sit with that feeling. FEEL where that sits in your body. Acknowledge that feeling, see it & accept that at that moment you felt this way. Forgive yourself, then allow the sensation to dissipate. As it fades away begin to feel vibes of Aroha for yourself and others. Do the same with the feeling of being unworthy….
We all walk upon Papatūānuku, we all breathe to live.
Be kind, be love
Wairua Ora! Mauri Ora!
Deepest gratitude to all my people who have held space for me Holding space for My Souls Journey To Wellness - Te Haerenga O Tōku Wairua Ki Te Ora. You all know who you are. Arohanui for life x
-Wā.Hine.Wai.Toa aka Hinewai Waitoa