dear mamae, i see you
Image Credit: Kawakawa Mahia Mai Tawhiti Stirling
Trigger Warning: content in this piece contains references to suicide
dear mamae, I see you
Dear mamae,
I see you.
I write this letter as a representation of the intergenerational pain we still face. A young, wahine Māori who comes from the East Coast. A girl who has experienced loss from a very young age, which is not something new to any of us and yet here we are still. I write this as someone who has lost whānau who could not bear the pain they felt anymore. Different feelings of pain, yet the same outcome. I cannot stand to lose another life, especially another Māori or Pasifika before their time.
Our mothers,
fathers,
aunties,
uncles,
sons,
daughters,
nieces,
nephews,
friends - work, school.
All branches from trees of whānau that will no longer grow or flower. All seeds that no longer flourish. Our ngahere need strengthening; we don’t need empty words and unseen actions. How is it that I see more eulogies on Facebook than kaupapa or initiatives in place for healing?
Our mental health is not to be measured with a Western ruler that cannot begin to fathom the complexities of a Māori or Pasifika mind. A ‘plaster’ of prescriptions and mental health diagnoses will not heal the deep wounds of colonisation and trauma. The time for healing and change is upon us, we cannot wait any longer. We can’t stand by and allow another life to be lost.
The government has injected $1.9 billion over the next few years, with a focus on mental health within schools, prison and establishing new/supporting existing mental health services. They also reestablished the Mental Health and Wellbeing Commission—shut down under the National government. I guess the fact that they had to re-establish the commission shows that they know we need to turn things around, but what is being done?
Across 34 countries in the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) Aotearoa leads in suicides. Our biggest areas of concern are our youth and our men:
In 2019, the Māori suicide rate increased from 23 per 100,000 people to 28.
The Pasifika rate rose from 7.77 to 11.49.
In 2019, the number of Māori that took their lives was 169. In the previous year, it was 142. For Pasifika, it rose from 23 deaths in 2018 to 34 deaths in 2019.
The system is still failing to support the mental wellbeing of Māori and Pasifika. Māori and Pasifika peoples do not need a handout, we need a hand up. A chance to flip the negative statistics into positive ones.
We need to get out of our urban environments more often and allow ourselves time to be immersed in nature. For many, we align with different settings and environments better. I align with the sea, it’s calming and allows me to check in on myself and how I am actually doing.
I find myself in deep wānanga when near the ngahere where I can tune out my logic and explore my emotional and spiritual states. It gives me the freedom to breathe in the fresh air and in doing so I breathe in perspective and breathe out the feelings and thoughts I don’t need to hold on to. The physical and mental exercise of being one with nature grounds us. It leaves us with a feeling of calm and allows our minds to refocus on the issue at hand. Our mental wellbeing.
Technology is playing a very strong role in the disconnection of our peoples with a heavy influence on our youth. No one knows how to communicate intentionally anymore as social media has allowed that side of things to come easily now. Social media isn’t a reflection of what is really going on in our lives.
We get so deep into social media that often forget to stop and breathe. We forget that seeing someone’s posts on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat isn’t actually catching up with them. It isn’t actually seeing how they’re doing. Follow that thought when you think of how someone is—message them.
I have struggled with my own mental wellbeing over the past 8 years. There were many times throughout where I never really expected to make it to 25, but here I am. These are the last few months of being 24 before the change to 25 and I can’t help but think how lucky I have been.
I was and still am surrounded by unconditional love from my mates, my family, my university faculty and lecturers and my kura kaupapa whānau. Being able to talk to people in a safe environment, sit with me and listen to me, help me without judgement helped me to heal. The real and meaningful parts were when those who matter would come over and spend quality time with me. I didn’t have to explain myself, they didn’t need to use tacky check-in lines. They just knew I needed them there.
I think the one person I need to thank the most is my best friend Paris. She was there with me through it all and never once let me walk it alone. She sat with me and was so patient, she would ask me things just so she could comprehend what was going on in my mind. She helped me out of my dark space and I’m forever grateful for that. Everyone needs a Paris in their life.
At the end of the day, I just want to urge everyone to generate conversations amongst their circles. Conversations between whānau, hapū and iwi, conversations between agencies and services on how we can work together as a nation and conversations between our loved ones and our mates. We need each other more than ever. We need to break these cycles before they affect the next generation.
If you prefer to talk face to face then go and visit that person. Arrange to meet up for lunch. Or if you would like a change of scenery, see if they would like to join you on a walk-in nature. We all need to make the conscious effort to check in with each other and ourselves.
I also feel that if we are really to make moves in the right direction then we shouldn’t just communicate what’s going on, it also needs to be comprehended by whoever is listening - friends, family and health professionals among others. I say this because we can talk as much as we want but it isn’t going to change anything unless people understand the situation and in turn; what is needed to resolve it.
Be the change you want to see in the world.