Breaking Free from the Fear of Falling Short
Imagine a world not inhibited by the fear of failure. A world where one mistake doesn’t determine the rest of your life, where failure is not seen as a sign of weakness or incompetence. Imagine because that’s all one can do. The reality is that failure is not truly accepted in society, at least not in the way we would like to believe.
While one may talk about the importance of failure and encourage others to embrace their mistakes, the truth is that a model of perfectionism remains, valuing accomplishments and success above all else.
The idea of accepting failure stems from the concept of the growth mindset, which has become more prevalent over recent years. A growth mindset suggests individuals can harness the power of failure to lead to eventual success and use such an opportunity for growth.
However, this is not something that is easily attainable in a society that has been taught since a young age that success is highly valued and failure is unacceptable. This message has been emphasised throughout our lives, from the expectations of our parents, peers or teachers to the demands of the school or workplace; this inherent principle of success means that there is no room to embrace failure, especially when it is considered a flaw and warrants criticism.
According to New Zealand research conducted by New Zealand’s Union of Students Association, about 56% of tertiary students of the respondents had considered dropping out of school, with one of the primary reasons being a fear of failure. Educational systems have conventionally prioritised high grades using standardised testing, not leaving much room for genuine learning through trial and error. This increases emphasis on results and outcomes instead of the learning process.
The influence of media also has a pivotal role in perpetuating the negative connotation behind failure, often showcasing remarkable success stories and rarely shedding light on the challenges or failures that individuals have endured on their journey. This curated representation sets unrealistic expectations, making failure seem like an anomaly rather than an inevitable and natural part of personal growth. As a result, this reinforces an individual's fear of failure, so they strive only to showcase their successes and create a facade to mask their failures.
How can one truly believe the aphorisms of ‘nobody is perfect’, ‘failure is a stepping stone’, or ‘strive for progress, not for perfection’ when, in a realistic sense, one simply cannot afford to incur any failures? By revealing our imperfections, we fail to fit in a perfectionist model shaped by society, opening the doors for shame, judgement, and humiliation from others.
While a perfectionist model refers to an approach where individuals strongly emphasise achieving perfection and setting high standards for themselves, society becomes less accepting of any flaws as the focus is on avoiding mistakes and constantly pursuing excellence at all costs.
What if I told you that humans were wired to overlook past triumphs? Negativity bias is a cognitive bias deeply rooted in human nature, having the ability to shape our judgement and decision-making processes. Similar to how the negative connotation of failure has been embedded into our society, expectations will always be set, raising the bar and minimising the error margin. As such, when a mistake occurs, it stands out more prominently and casts a shadow over preceding successes.
We see this in areas of life like sports, where athletes often face scrutiny, and one mistake can overshadow their whole career of accomplishments. Think of a professional football player who has continuously excelled all season, driving their team to victory in a number of games. But in a pivotal final game, the player commits a significant mistake that prevents their team from winning. Despite their earlier triumphs, the error becomes the focus, causing supporters and critics to overlook the previous successes and contributions.
This demonstrates how one can have a hundred successes, but with one slight error, all preceding successes are forgotten, forcing one to start from the beginning. This demonstrates the meaning of the equation 100-1=0.
While anyone can be affected by the consequences of failure, there are certain societal factors that can contribute to women experiencing greater impacts. These factors include gender roles, stereotypes, or societal expectations, which can shape women's experiences with failure. When encountering a failure, women may be subjected to more criticism since they may be compared to gender norms and expectations. This may cause them to develop the internalised notion that their competence as women is diminished by failure.
Women tend to feel societal pressure to live up to strict standards in various domains of life, such as work, relationships, and family. When these expectations aren’t met, shame or a sense of inadequacy might set in, leading to the fear of failure. The lack of representation in male-dominated fields or leadership positions can further heighten the impact of failure and can often be seen in a society where the failure of women affects the outlook and expectations of others more than men.
During the 2016 presidential election in the United States of America, Hillary Clinton was a representation of the conflict that can develop between being a woman and being a leader. In fact, a series of research by social psychologists discovered Clinton’s defeat had a detrimental influence on the expectations of women's promotion in corporate leadership. This creates a narrative that generalises the loss of Clinton as representative of all women in similar roles, thereby perpetuating the belief that women are prone to failure or incompetence.
As a 10-year-old running for my school's House Captain 2017 amongst all male candidates, seeing female representation was super encouraging while imagining that I, in the slightest, could be of similar success. However, watching the election, it was discouraging that my male classmates were so excited about Donald Trump’s victory, not because they believed in his values but because he was the male candidate. Seeing this, I couldn’t avoid making a correlation between Clinton’s loss and my loss as a woman.
However, through my own experiences of the societal pressures women face, I believe it is evident that embracing failure is a way to empower individuals to grow beyond social norms. Embracing failure as an opportunity for growth is a way for individuals, regardless of gender, to transcend the constraints of societal expectations. Needless to say, anyone can be a victim of the paradox of failure and its contradictory nature. Failure can be disheartening, demotivating, and rather confusing living in a society that preaches the embracing of failure when one cannot avoid such emotions as a society still does not truly embrace failure. Often, I find myself caught between the desire to advocate for embracing failure and the relentless pressure to exceed academically.
As a student, I understand the concept of learning from mistakes, but there always were and still are moments where I feel the weight of expectation bearing down because failure has never been a concept worthy of desire. Despite only being a student, I doubt the possibility of society ever fully overcoming the negative connotations of failure. In saying that, I believe breaking down the systematic model that is striking fear in individuals is possible if we foster a world where the importance of failure is acknowledged, learning is emphasised, and 100-1 does not equate to 0.