Tāne te Waiora

Beneath the harakeke: (L – R) George Kingi (e te tau), Joe Carlson (pāpā), Jaq Carlson (Teah’s younger brother), Tianalee Carlson (Jaq’s girl), Okaire Lewis (my middle boy)

I’m surrounded by tāne. My dog and I are the only wāhine in the whānau! Ko te tau o tōku ate tōku tino, my best friend, lover, protector, my safe space. He was brought up by his strong, hardworking, crack-up māmā and nan in Tāmaki Makaurau, surrounded by strong wāhine which explains his gentle, caring nature. I admire how he navigates a racist world in calm, peaceful ways when the world looks at you like you’re a criminal, or a thug or a hyper-masculine male – with a beer in your hand. He plays up to that role but only on the rugby field where my giant teddy bear smashes opponents and scores a few tries.

I have a rockstar pāpā who is the kaumātua of the shearing sheds, who cuts up mutton faster than he can smoke a cigarette (I know, cause he did it at the same time). He’s a hearty, oldskool, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it kinda fulla. But if it is broken, he can usually fix it, including himself.

Side story: once he cut the palm of his hand open when he was shearing and used string and a needle to sew it up himself. Then he wrapped on a cloth bandage and finished shearing the sheep. 

In the same breath, my pāpā is gentle, caring, sensitive and wise. He treasures me as a wahine. Some may call it spoilt, but he modelled the way the world should treat me, nothing less.

I have two awesome younger brothers. One is a shearer and the other an engineer. Different generations brought up, this time, on the Xbox, in urban-rural spaces and surrounded by drugs, alcohol and hoha antics. I feel like they are still finding their place in the world and what to make of it all

Then my four boys, crazy wee characters, the eldest loves old soul music, gaming, painting and movies. My middle boy enjoys drawing, gaming, Ju-Jitsu and maths. The second youngest is a very opinionated ‘lil fulla who likes to think, challenge and debate, and play sports. And the youngest is kicking and rolling around in my whare tangata and is due a te kōanga.

I tell you this because they are all different and engage with hauora in their own ways. Some of it is their character, generation, urban and rural upbringing and their place in the whānau. What remains at the centre is the ‘social conditioning’ around them – their relationships: partners, mates, role models, community and systems. 

Regarding hauora, what I have noticed with pāpā is he’s been asked by whānau and health professionals to become more aware of his health. He’s had a few health… or should I say death scares, which have given him a fright. Although I’d been harping on to him for years about giving up smoking and drinking, nothing worked. Not threats or hiding smokes, refusing to let him into spaces, growling, supporting or accompanying him to health appointments. What worked for my pāpā was nearly dying! Since he was released from the hospital, he hasn’t picked up a smoke.

Side story: When I was ten years old, I brought home an Alcoholics Anonymous poster (I think I asked for it in health class), and tacked it on the wall by our phone. I told my parents to call the number and sort themselves out... they never called. 

My brothers are also not receptive to my rants, funny that. But they do want me to come with them to appointments, are capable of making them, and share a lot more personal details than my dad. My brothers are both single so that has a role to play. One lives with me so I like to support him where I can, as he was diagnosed with narcotic epilepsy three years ago.

Over the past year, my partner has had to become real savvy with PPE gear as he works in hauora. So he’s got to role model good practices. He’s fit and healthy but when I met him was a smoker too. I tried tactics on him, but always fell short! What got him was when it started to affect his breathing on the rugby field and in the bedroom. So he quit too! 

Thanks to their kura, my tamariki learnt about germs and hand washing. Covid-19 has become a topic of discussion in our home. Hauora is a bit more straightforward for them as they are cared for and nurtured in so many ways that their dad or koro never had the privilege of. They get supported at kura, at home and in the community. They still face disparities being Māori but have fierce parents to advocate for them.

It sounds like death and fear play a part in changing health behaviours but that’s just what’s seen on the surface. The reality is that our tāne get by in spite of the health system, not because of it! The western health approach hasn’t done much good for my pāpā, my brothers or my partner. If we deep dive into their health encounters, practitioners break down the tinana into body parts separate from the hinengaro rather than a holistic worldview of hauora. Individualistic fifteen-minute time slots, where you pay, have to take time off work and need to make a fuss to be heard.

What works for the tāne in my life is whanaungatanga – loving relationships, and offering them options. Laughs, sports analogies, treats and time (all within an Indigenous health approach). Tāne te Waiora is aroha and hauora that is grounded in holistic, preventative approaches that offer multiple modalities from all corners of the earth: east, north, and south not just west. Where we never give up on each other, where the door is always open, and the invitation is always there to be seen and heard. Not told off… well sometimes.