Finding Her
If you keep looking, maybe you'll find who you're looking for -
In the reflection of the mirrors in another anonymous room,
Or in the eyes that catch yours as you look up and check their faces for a sign of affirmation
Or in the words spoken after you've broken each others’ silence with sighed affirmations of God's existence,
Or you'll find her looking back at you as you look at the lights reflected on the shower floor as you try to remember who you're looking for.
Because if you're in control long enough, often enough, you’ll find who you lost that night…
She who believed in love,
Who knew good men,
Who knew she was safely home, safe in him
Who hoped for forever after
But it's easier to keep her lost
Hidden safely in scandalous stories,
In midnight conquests and just for tonights
In dirty jokes and one-sided vulnerable confidences,
To conceal her behind a wanton smile,
A throwaway comment and a temporarily thickened skin
Because if you only cry in the lonely moments between days
Or at a bench in a park, as you watch the traffic flowing beyond the river,
No one will ever know how much you hurt,
Nor how much you miss knowing her,
Nor how knowing you're never going to recognise her again breaks your heart.
Again.