Wairua Screening Superpower
The latter years of my teens and early twenties were spent in relationships with the same kinds of men. This foray into shitty relationships started when I was 16 right up into my mid-twenties. Some of them had addictions to marijuana and alcohol, and others were firmly ensconced in the binge drinking we call a part of our 'Kiwi culture'. I was lucky enough to never be abused, just emotionally unsatisfied. Being second best to parties, drugs and alcohol gets old. Fast.
Some people used to say that I must be so unlucky to have had no success in love being an attractive and intelligent young woman... blah blah blah.
Unfortunately, none of those things meant that I had any common sense when it came to men. After maybe five seriously-below-average relationships it slowly began to dawn on me that maybe my relationship 'situation' didn't actually have anything to do with bad luck. And perhaps just maybe, the problem wasn’t these men... it was me for picking them. I mean they would have continued to exist in society, flaws and all, but there was no need for me to bring them into my life where they could wreak havoc with my thoughts and emotions.
Then one night, I had a beautiful dream. In this dream, I saw my future as a wretched wife to an emotionally unavailable husband. Let me tell you that this future 'me' did not look happy at ALL. It was at this point I finally decided to get help, so I joined a support group. This support group helped me to release many memories and emotions from my childhood that I had which kept me in a state of spiritual un-wellness and dis-ease. Before finding an outlet for these previous hurts, I had expected the men I was with to fill the gaping hole that was inside of me. What I didn't know then was that no one outside of me can fill spiritual neediness inside of me.
This can only be filled with a connection to (pick one that resonates with you) the universe/divine source/collective consciousness/god.
Once I had aired, accepted and finally let go negative memories and emotions from my past, I felt my spirit become lighter, and life became more enjoyable. Over the next couple of years, I came to believe in a divine source or the power of the universe. It was around this time that I also began to feel the energy of all living things and to intuitively see signs from the world in my day to day life.
This included being able to feel the mauri or wairua of other living things such as trees, birds, water... and surprisingly (to me anyway) even rocks. This was only made possible by clearing out all of the negative energy I had previously held. By clearing out all the yucky emotion, room was created for positive energy to flow through, which eventually led to a heightened ability of feeling the wairua of other people. Rather than just physically connecting with other people I now began to be able to connect with them on a deeper level. I believe that this can sometimes be described as intuition. By trusting in my ability to detect their wairua, this created an intuitive reaction that helped me to screen potential dates at a deeper level than just physically.
I was slowly developing a wairua screening superpower.
Around a year or so ago this theory was tested when I went on a coffee date with a teacher at a local school. He looked good on paper (looks and career-wise). We had coffee and went for a walk on the beach where we watched a beautiful sunset together. Sounds like the perfect date! Unfortunately not.
I came away feeling exhausted. It was like he had drained all my energy from me. It was like I had to get away from him. His energy was dark, and there was neediness. I couldn’t visually see this, but I could definitely definitely FEEL it. It felt like this was a test to see how far I had come.
In the past, I might have overlooked or ignored my intuition because “he’s good-looking” or “a teacher”. I might have thought I could help this man, I could change him, or 'that he needed me'. These same thought patterns were what had enabled me to continue to enter into relationships with the same issues, over and over again. However not this time.
I am so thankful to have finally learnt my lesson.