Māmā and Pēpi
Hera Monaghan with her son Hōhepa
Those first moments together
a flurry of blood, love, tears
exhausted and raw
but an innate love like no other.
A moment where three lives began…
We walk up the maunga
ready to meet your Nan
all our tūpuna
e karanga mai ana…
Breastfeeding you
my biggest challenge
and achievement.
Waiū, liquid silver.
My body doesn’t look the same
but the moments we have spent together…
quietly, peacefully, intensely
… are worth it.
Even when I was touched out,
over it and sore, this is our time
growing our sacred connection…
Leaking milk
engorged Ū
sitting on a cushion
exhausted beyond belief.
All is overcome.
I nourish you
hold you close
breathe you in
our little team of toru…
Thank you
for nourishing my tama
while he was in my puku.
Time to return to Papatūānuku
and our ancestors to rest…
There it is again
a cold green tea.
He tohu o te Māmā…
Watching you grow is like watching my favourite Netflix Show;
the episodes just keep getting better with each season…
You play
precisely random
imagination runs wild
oh so determined
My Little Explorer…
A birth of a pēpi
is also the birth of the Māmā.
Thank you for choosing me…
Pamphlet
We learnt about postpartum mental health
they tell you the warning signs
but when it happened to me
I couldn’t see through the nappies.
A deep, unconditional love;
a crippling anxiety. But I love him
so much? How can I be sad?
They never told us that
two things can co-exist –
Love him, heal me…
Medita…
I used to sit
meditating alone
today looks different
Pukapuka flying
Māmā, māmā, māmā
He sits on top of me
Toys on my meditation
cushion, head and lap
He brings me my journal
Still at peace, but not so quiet
And exactly how I want it to be…
Summer Storm
It’s just a different season, we would say
But we have never weathered this storm before.
I miss you even though you are right next to me
Stealing moments together of tired connection
Short glances at each other with weary eyes
In between the daily tasks and dirty kope.
This summer looks so new, sunflowers hiding behind clouds
The rain falls and strong winds… Damn, we’re tired
But I wouldn’t want to weather this storm
With anyone other than you…